I'll be the first to admit it: I did not actually think this day would come.
I suppose that, in the depths of my soul, I knew it would arrive at some point. I believed it as we all "know" that we're going to die one day. Theoretically, it's true. Everyone dies, and since we're part of that all-inclusive "everyone" group, I guess it'll happen to me, too, although it's impossibly difficult to believe.
Anyway. Until my husband's revelation late last week, I fully believed that our baby-making days were just a theoretical someday that would occur sometime between my last post and my death -- probably much closer to the latter.
Yet, here we are: about to go off of birth control and prepared to let God and nature run their course.
Try as I might, I have no idea how I got here. Just a week ago, Ryan was convinced that we couldn't have kids. We couldn't afford it. We couldn't dream of being emotionally ready to have them. Our lives were too unstable. Blah, blah, blah. All rubbish if you ask me. I had given up on attempting to convince him, persuaded by my very clever best friend to just drop the subject and let him warm up to the idea. Hopefully, if I gave no indication that it was important to me, he would turn around- sometime in the next two years, she advised.
Try two days!
Faced with a legal pad and pen, Ryan began outlining his life for the next five years. Where would he be after that short span of time, when he was 33 and, dare I say it, old? It was at this point that he realized that he didn't want to be an old dad (for all of you truly "old" dads out there, I realize that 33 is not actually old) and fully imagined that he would already have two kids by the time 33 rolled around. Which means that we need to get this ball rolling.
So, Ryan came home, tossed the legal pad on the table and said, "I think we should stop taking birth control. Well. You should stop taking birth control. You might as well finish this pack, but you can stop right now if you want."
After checking his vitals to ensure that he had not received a blow to the head, been struck by lightning, or otherwise tampered with, I could come to no other conclusion: the man had made a decision. We were going to go off of birth control. A baby, even in the near future, was a part of his life plan. Finally! The two of us were on the same page, and not due to any cajoling on my part, thankyouverymuch.
Which brings me to this moment. Right now, I am sitting on my couch, typing this lovely blog (which no body will read, a thought that brings me no discomfort), and staring at 7 remaining birth control pills. Holy hell. What in the world are we doing? :-)
It is the single most lovely, exciting thing in the world to be in this place. To know that we're fully united in this quest to invite parenthood into our lives, and to know that he came to this conclusion on his own are so satisfying. It's so exciting to be on the brink of an event that you've dreamt of for your entire life. It's freaking awesome.
And, even though I did not believe we'd be here, I sure am glad that we've arrived.
